Favourite lies I tell my children

Posted Tuesday 31st January 2012   By Ericka Waller

Let's be honest. We all lie to our kids. White lies, tiny nothing little white lies. For their own good, and just a tiny bit for our sanity.

My kids think charity shops are "repair" shops. A place for run-down, or broken toys to get remodelled/ developed/ bettered. Yes, I do feel slightly bad when four constantly asks me when one of her possessions is coming back from the "menders", but it soon passes. (Especially when I remember how annoying the toy I recently donated was.)

We have a small troll who lives down our loo. A poo troll. If little hands don't wipe little bottoms he will climb out the cistern and chase you round the house. (I got my inspiration from the film - The Ring )

The rain is god's tears. He gets sad when four is naughty and picks on her sister. (Slightly hard to explain why it rains even when the sister is at her childminder's.) They will be going to a church school so they need to be prepared for tales such as these anyway. I am lessening the shock.

When we go out, there will always be someone with a red coat on. This is the "redcoat" policeman who has come out especially to keep an eye on our children. If they are naughty he/she will come over to and tell them off. One of four's friend's dads is a policeman. If I can't see a "redcoat" I pretend to ring him up instead.

(Am hoping funds never get so low we have to holiday at Butlins, or this one is going to come back and bite me.)

The baby's skin is made of magic-grown-up paper. If children touch it, it will tear. God will cry so much the park will be flooded forever.

My husband says it's cruel to take advantage of the children's naivety. Speaking of which, he seems to think teeny tiny fairyfolk come in the night and clean up the crumbs he makes preparing his pre-sleep snack. Then they load up the dishwasher. (If you're reading this, it's actually me).

So come on - what lies do you tell?