Why you should delay potty training for as long as possible

Posted Monday 1st July 2013   By Ericka Waller

Thing-three wants to potty train. The husband is not keen. “I think we are very bad at it. Look at Thing-two.” “She is genius, capable of pre-meditating whether she is going to do a big poo or a little poo.” “Yes, but she never does them in the toilet. Last week I found one in my work shoe.”

Thing-three wants to potty train. The husband is not keen.

“I think we are very bad at it. Look at Thing-two.”

“She is genius, capable of pre-meditating whether she is going to do a big poo or a little poo.”

“Yes, but she never does them in the toilet. Last week I found one in my work shoe.”

“Maybe, she has abandonment issues.”

“And on the middle of the trampoline.”

“She was probably just excited, I bet she did not even realise she’d done it.”

“And in a pot of play-doh.”

“Thrifty!”

“What about the time we took her to Tring Stuffed Animal Museum.”

“That was bad. It was only 2pm. I did not know to  look out for the 5pm poo.”

“I thought it was a croissant on the floor till I  looked closer. “

“It’s lucky we were in the café.”

“Not for everyone else eating their lunch it wasn’t”

I know I should bite the bullet and put Thing-three in pants, but I’ll miss nappies. I’m a fan. Nappies mean  not stopping every two minutes on a car journey, or having to go and pat children on the head to “help it come out.”

Nappies are my friend. Initially, they took a while to get to grips with them, and I don’t like it when they explode and leave weird crystals everywhere but that does not happen often. Over the last five and half years I’ve become a master of judging how much wee each brand can hold. It’s a skill of mine.

Nappies are a great way to get you out of awkward situations or boring conversations ”Oh, I think she has done a poo, I’d best go and change her bum.”

Nappies mean you have a baby, and Thing-three is my last one. I don’t have any left after her.

I don’t want life without a baby in it. I don’t know why parents brag about their kids being advanced. I hated it when she took her first steps at nine months, and said her first word on her first birthday.

I don’t want her to walk and talk and poo on the toilet. I want her to be a tiny baby, who smells nice and falls asleep in my arms.

I’m hoping that if I explain this to her nicely when she is older, that she will forgive me for not potty-training her sooner.

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