A typical day in the life of my children
Posted Saturday 7th September 2013 By Ericka Waller
Wake me up at 5.15am demanding tea and biscuits. Slump on the sofa half awake drinking tea and watch TV for an hour, kicking one another.
Refuse to eat breakfast.
Refuse to get dressed.
Refuse to brush teeth.
Refuse to brush hair.
Get shouted at and sent into the garden.
Find the garden hose.
Make a mud bath where the chicken run used to be. Remove all clothes and roll naked in it.
Come in to show me, get told off and refused entry into the house until washed off.
Refuse to wash.
Have a bath in the kitchen sink with the scourer and fairy liquid to remove chicken poo.
Get sent back into the garden with a snack bowl to dry off.
Break into the summer house, find all the chicken feed and pour it over the floor. Dance in it.
Come in with chicken feed in hair. Refuse to admit why. Get told off.
Given bug finders and tweezers and told to look for bugs.
Come back in with bug finders full of Thing-Two’s poo and get told off.
Cry because bug finders went in the bin.
Refuse to eat lunch.
Pop upstairs and trash the playroom, then announce too tired to tidy it.
Demand cake and tea. Beg and plead and creep and crawl till it’s made.
Have a sip and then leave it.
Steal the hand-soap from the bathroom and wash one another’s hair. Get soap in eyes and cry.
Get hosed off in the garden.
Let the chickens out.
Let next door’s dog in to help catch them.
Get told off.
Blame it on each other and all start crying.
Beg for the TV to be put on.
Sit down and watch TV with me, all fall asleep in a heap.
Get woken up by Daddy coming home.
Claim to have been good all day.
Refuse to eat dinner.
Ask for ice-cream.
Draw on the dining table and colour chair legs in.
Flood the bathroom.
Refuse to wear pajamas, or night-pants.