Our caravan holiday nightmare (in a storm)

Posted Thursday 31st October 2013   By Ericka Waller

So, when the weather man says a storm is coming, what do we do? We go on a caravan holiday in Yorkshire of course. I knew it was not going to be a success when we (and the excitable lab puppy) arrived at the mud-pit (site) and then realised we (the husband) had left the suitcase on our bed

We would have rowed for longer but the dog escaped, having smelt a sausage cooking somewhere. This was going to become a theme for the holiday.

The husband had to go and find him at 2am one night, after he’d gone out for a poo and ran off (dog not husband).

Using the tiny wind-up kids torch I found in the car, he went searching for the dog and the poo, which was hard to distinguish amongst the mud, in his bare feet.

I made him stand in the awning while I poured lukewarm water over his filthy trotters. Then I told him the water had run out and he needed to go and fill it up, and the toilet needed emptying too.

Next morning he went to buy us essential items (pants, clothes, socks, toothbrushes etc). He came back with a giant fluffy white ‘onesie’ for me and three Halloween costumes for the girls. Oh, and a bag of pigs ears for the dog.

Seeing as the girls had the costumes, and were mad keen to go, we decided to take them to the Halloween disco at the club house. Unbeknownst to us, it was the most anticipated event on the campsite in the last ten years. People had gone to (ghost) town with their outfits. There were vampire brides, Dracula’s, headless henchmen. No expense had been spared.

No guessing what my kids did the second the lights were dimmed and ‘Thriller’ came on. When will I learn?

The next morning we woke up and saw that every other caravan in our field had gone.

Might have been the puppy, or the banging (if the caravan’s a rocking… it’s me battering my husband over the head with a wind up torch for buying me a Onesie) or the fact we bought a Cockerel, AKA Thing-two with us.

On the last night, the storm peaked and the awning blew off. The husband climbed on the roof of the caravan in his pants to reclaim it. The wind howled. The rain rattled on the roof. The dog farted.

I closed my eyes and counted down the days.

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