Did your Mother's Day go as planned?

Posted Monday 7th April 2014   By Ericka Waller

I thought I was so clever, giving the husband a lie-in on Mother’s Day eve. I knew the next day was going to be all about me, it was the least I could do. I even made up a cheery poem at 6am while the kids wiped their nose on me:

This time tomorrow, I will not be up making tea, cleaning wee, being a referee, hearing kids’ TV
I won’t be putting on the washing machine, folding a pile of whites, unloading the dishwasher, or trying to break up fights...
About who is a poo head, or who has the nicest hair, who gets to use the snowman pen, or sit in the yellow chair
I won’t be collecting up pens, searching for matching lids, I won’t be on my hands and knees, cleaning up after my kids
I won’t be begging for manners, or space to drink my tea, I won’t be saying ‘in a minute’, or ‘you can’t all fit on my knee’
I won’t be looking at cobwebs, and paperwork undone, I won’t be saying ‘she’s NOT a fathead’, 0r ‘did you wipe your bum?’
I’ll be in bed and wide awake, waiting for little feet, to bring me cards and flowers and cake, and make me feel complete.

What a fool.

I was in bed, and wide awake, with an agonizing gum infection. I called my friend at midnight to come and sit with the girls while the husband took me to A&E.

Bless her, she was in such a hurry to get to me that she dropped her phone. I was in such a hurry to get some painkillers, I helped her look for it and trod in dog poo.

So there I was at 2am on Mother’s Day, in a hospital waiting room filled with drunken hen parties and their inflatable-penis related accidents. I got home just before the the girls woke up – nice and early because we’d lost an hour due to the clocks. The sound of little feet was not as welcome as my poem makes it sound.

I smiled nicely, opened the cards, pushed the cake away and then told the husband to wake me up when the emergency dentist opened.

The appointment was at 1.30pm, I’m not even doing the 2.30 joke. There is nothing funny about spending the afternoon in a dentist chair and then ASDA pharmacy instead of getting a massage, facial and cream tea.