10 top things about your husband leaving you

Posted Thursday 22nd May 2014   By Ericka Waller

1: You can do a jigsaw, wearing (his, well, mine now) head-torch, without anyone taking the piss out of you.

2: You are entirely justified in learning the dance to "Roar" by Katy Perry and impressing the kids with your moves like Jagger (the old, arthritic version)

3: You can openly put three sugars in your tea. You can even kiss the sugar canister and shout "I love you, evil white poison" (again, the kids will think you are ace).

4: There is no one to tell you that fabric conditioner is supposed to last 32 washes, not ten.

5: The dog is allowed on the sofa. (Sadly, he does not believe me when I tell him and slinks off back to his basket, guilty at the mere thought)

6: You can gnaw cheese straight off the block, without someone asking why there are "rat teeth marks" in it.

7: Everyone tells you you look great (except your husband of course) when you really, really don't.

8: People make you cake and they don't even ask for the Tupperware back, (maybe they are scared it will be the final tipping point?)

9: You become a minor celebrity if you live in a small village where nothing ever happens. I'm hoping to get my own TV show out of this.

10: You can straighten up the car in a parking spot as many times as you like, even when you are not getting it any straighter at all, you are just reversing and then driving back to where you were again and again.