How do you deal with no sleep?

Posted Tuesday 9th December 2014   By Ericka Waller

So I don’t get much sleep. When I say much, I mean hardly any. My bedtimes problems start at 5pm, when Thing-two starts asking me if she can sleep in my bed. The other two join in. By 6.30pm, we are all sniffling. They end up in my bed. We wrestle for covers, and space for our feet. They rise up and down in Mexican waves, wanting a sip of drink, or a cushion, or a cuddle. I rise up and down with them, dreaming of snoring in a star shape with no hardback books under my pillow. Sometimes I don’t even get a pillow. Often I wake and my head is resting on the bedside table.

I’m all for a bit of a cuddle at night, but sleeping is serious business. I have issues with bed sharing. I don’t like people lifting my bed cover up. I like to have my own quilt, which I cocoon myself in. I don’t share it.

One of my exes (you know who you are) could not bear to have hot feet (pansy). I’d be sleeping away like a lovely little log, when all of a sudden, without warning, he would bring his knees up then kick out his legs in a breaststroke action, so the quilt cover lifted three meters off the bed, and let lots of cold air in as it slowly wafted back down. Then he would let out a loud happy sigh.

He passed this trait on to his kids (Oh dear, I think I may have outed him).

Each night I resolve to be strong and keep my bed to myself, but they always end up in with me, and it gets worse from there. I let them watch TV. I read them exciting books. I fetch drinks and malted milk biscuits.

I cry hot exhausted tears as I go up and down the stairs. I hate myself for being such a failure.

But I love sleep. I crave it like a crack addict craves, um, crack. I need it. I long for it. It pervades my thoughts. It dangles in front of me like a carrot I cannot have. I want that bloody carrot so bad. I’d do anything for it. I make bad decisions about how to get it.

Some people might read this and think me weak. Fine with me.

They are more than welcome to come round and show me how it’s done. Meanwhile, I can get some kippo.

Here are some photos of our sleep story