This is Radio Mummy coming over the airwaves

Posted Monday 12th January 2015   By Ericka Waller

I used to love recording radio stations when I was a kid. Me and Sally ran Radio Sunshine. I sang catchy jingles and she interviewed boys we fancied. Everyone did it. My friend’s political older sister used to like playing Maggie Thatcher and made my pal play an angry minor being interviewed for the BBC. My husband would dedicate Sunday afternoons to playing Sabbuteo against himself and then make a radio station of the results. Oh the good old days.

Sometimes I think, rather than talking repeatedly at my children, I should just make a tape of myself ranting and play it all day long – or start Radio Mummy…

My mum-radio could advertise things like “lollies… for children who wipe their bums” or “manners…try them out today”. I could give breaking news updates, preceded by the noise ice cream vans make, to let them know dinner is imminent or that bedtime will soon be coming to a house near them.

Obviously the Frozen soundtrack would be played all day long, but maybe I could rewrite the lyrics to say “let it go, let it…. she had it first and it’s not yours” or “Do you want to tidy your room.. or run the hoover round the hall?”

I could interview the Little Princess, saying things like “when I am not on the telly being a spoiled brat, I really love eating broccoli and practising my handwriting.”

There could be some subliminal messages playing in quiet undertones. The odd “I am watching you..” hissed here and there. Grandparents could phone in to say Goodnight, God bless, brush your teeth.

The alarm clock would be the winning sound of popcorn being cooked or crisps munched loudly. That would have mine out of bed in a jiffer.

er.

We have some “Waller Family Rules” we sat down and wrote together. They could be intoned at five past every hour, including Thing-three’s sage words of wisdom “don’t bite a snowman’s arm off”. She’s been here before with that one.

For my own sanity I could throw in the odd: “you are doing a fantastic job of this mothering lark Ericka, truly inspiring” or“gee, dinner smells great, I can’t wait to eat it”.

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