Why not nurse your new baby yourself Jamie - Argus Friday 25th March 2016

Posted Wednesday 6th April 2016   By Ericka Waller

SO Jamie Oliver has decided to turn his attentions to our breasts. I wonder if this genius idea came before or after his wife announced she was pregnant again. Obviously it’s not enough that the little darling will have ‘pukka’ healthy lunches when he starts school. Jamie wants the baby to eat well from the get-go. As a woman, who has endured the agony and discomfort of breastfeeding (as well as the lovely bits) I’m slightly confused as to why Jamie (not a woman) feels he has a clue what he is on about. 'It's easy, it's more convenient, it's more nutritious, it's better, it's free,' he crooned, in his best ‘mockney’ voice.

 It’s also not as easy as it looks, or as convenient at times, as hundreds of women took to Twitter to argue.

I know a lot of mums who felt that their inability to breastfeed, or maintain breastfeeding was as a failure on their part. They are our breasts, our bodies. Why should we ever feel guilty for the choices that we make with them?

Huffington Post Journalist, and breastfeeding Councellor Karen Hill said “Yes, Jamie oversimplified breastfeeding in his statement on the radio, but that was a droplet compared with the over-simplification of the state of breastfeeding that followed, media-wide. Well done for enabling a backlash that prevented someone speaking out for supporting women.”

I don’t think Jamie was speaking out for women, he was speaking out to women, telling him what they should be doing. He was Mansplaining.

Luckily, he can redeem himself.

I’ve done some research and Jamie can be the change he wants to see, literally. He can nurse the new baby. Male breasts have milk ducts, and some mammary tissue. They also have oxytocin and prolactin, the hormones responsible for milk production.

According to Wikipedia, Philosopher Alexander von Humboldt, allegedly nurtured his son for three months when his wife was ill, as well as Charles Darwin, who went on to write about experiences he had witnessed.

Apparently men’s ability to yield a copious supply of milk is shown by their occasional sympathetic enlargement in during an attack of the measles.

I’m assuming from the fact the sympathy is occasional, that it comes from the man when the woman has Measles. Man’s sympathy of man’s illness would not be occasional.  It would be a full-time job.

If he managed to be successful, perhaps Jamie could incorporate ‘moob’ (man boob) milk in his next cookbook? After all, 'it’s easy, it's convenient, it's more nutritious, it's better, and it's free’. Perfect for families on a budget.

In other news, Easter is coming, well I think it is. No-one can seem to pin down an actual date. All I hear is ‘Easter has come early this year hasn’t it?’ As opposed to what, Christmas?  If we knew when Jesus was born, why are we so vague on the day he died?

The Archbishop of Canterbury is hoping to set a dedicated date for Easter within the next five to ten years. He must have a very slow Wifi connection.

I went onto Wikipedia as I do for all celebrity deaths.  Apparently it’s still inconclusive. There was just a picture of an empty cave and lists of supposed sightings. Apparently he and Elvis are currently working as Special Agents for the Department of Justice, in the Drug Enforcement Division.

Due to lack of hard facts, I think the Archbishop should just make up the date Jesus died so that shops can stop stacking Easter Eggs the week after Christmas, just in case Easter comes extra early, like on Boxing Day.

It does not seem very likely however. They have been attempting to confirm a set Sunday since the 10th century.

That said, Cadbury Mini Eggs should be in shops all year round, the delicious little blighters. When we do the annual Easter egg hunt I will no doubt scoff them all myself and spend the rest of the holidays feeling guilty.

And finally, I’m gutted we are about to embark on the last season of Walking Dead. My husband I may have to actually talk to one another in the evening at this rate. 

There are loads of other box sets we could start watching on Netflix, but I am not sure I am ready for the commitment, or the fear of ‘spoilers’. Is Game of Thrones worth it?

My dad insists I watch Bates Motel, my other friend swears by Twin Peaks. Orange is the New Black looks promising.

Now spring is here maybe I should be cleaning instead? We’ve been spending some time in the garden. The fresh air feels so great after being glued to the screen. We each planted a sunflower seed. So far only the dog and cats’ have started germinating. Lord knows what they did with their soil.

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